What The Hell Are You Eating?

Wildflower August 1, 2008

Filed under: American — whatthehellareyoueating @ 12:05 am
Tags: , ,

Wildflower is located on the northwest side at Ina and Oracle. It’s one of the Fox Restaurant Concepts that speckle this town like a pox. While none serve outwardly bad food, they all offer the same canned ambiance and Wildflower is no exception. I went with my grandparents and sat outside in order to take in the grand view of the mountains and a rather luxurious Brake Max.

Lulu started off with a really precious rant about cell phones possibly rotting my brain or giving me cancer. I tried to explain to her that I hardly ever talk on it but it was to no avail. I think she read it in a James Patterson book. Jack was in good spirits having recently decided not to tuck his shirt anymore. I know I’ve said this before in this blog but I really love my grandparents. It was solidified even further when, after eating a piece of bread with some legitimately tasty chive butter, Lulu declared she could, “just shovel this stuff in my mouth.”

I started off with a spicy tuna tartare salad which consisted of said tuna, avocados and cucumbers. When I ordered it, I thought I’d be getting something really healthy. Instead the tuna was slathered in an orangey mayonnaise and sat in a soy sauce bath. Still it wasn’t too bad the production was just a little sloppy. It was also thirteen dollars. Lulu and Jack split a spinach salad which the both thought was excellent. Lulu declared herself full as soon as she finished. While clearing our salad plates the waiter asked if we were through, “enjoying our salads.” I wanted to say, “Actually, pal, I never started enjoying it.” But it wasn’t his fault I thought what he said was stupid.

For my main course I ordered the sirloin with a side of tomatoes and wild greens. I ordered my steak medium rare but it came out the grey side of medium. I realized half way through my dinner that I’d ordered a steak salad that cost twenty dollars. The tomatoes were cut into huge discs, basically just the top and bottom were cut off. Not too big a deal since I love tomatoes but they were kind of difficult to eat. The greens were fresh but consisted mostly of arugula, hardly the wildest of greens. Lulu’s braised short ribs were pedestrian though she loved them. It’s always frustrating to pay twenty five dollars for something you can easily put together at home. I have to mention the crazy amount of flies that were buzzing around our table. There must have been a dead raccoon stuffed somewhere near us because they were incessant.

Wildflower was pretty average. I suppose in the world of Fox Restaurants Wildflower is just Montana Avenue with a bigger dick. I give it six sloppy bits of raw tuna.

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