What The Hell Are You Eating?

The Cafeteria at Ikea September 16, 2008

Filed under: American — whatthehellareyoueating @ 3:17 pm
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Valarie and I drove to Ikea yesterday, mostly out of boredom and a recent paycheck. Once braving the horrid drive up I-10 we were hungry and wanting to eat at the mythical Pizzeria Bianco. Unfortunately, after a call placed to Sarah, we learned that it was closed on Sundays and Mondays (My days off) and only open for dinner. Since we were stopped right by Ikea and Valarie didn’t think she could shop around without eating something first we decided to eat at the Ikea cafeteria.

If I were to compare the food at the Ikea Cafeteria to food I’ve eaten at museums, zoos or amusement parks it would get a favorable review. However, I review restaurants on this blog so I’m going to have to review it against other restaurants. That being the case, the food was sub par. I had a plate of penne and meatballs with a piece of garlic toast and a small salad on the side. The pasta was gummy and flavorless, the sauce odd with big hunks of zucchini being the only taste willing to be identified outside of canned tomato. The meatballs were the same ones you get with the Swedish meatballs. The garlic toast was the clear winner on my tray, of course who could fuck up garlic toast? My salad had a nice mix of greens but the only other additional component was some cherry tomatoes. I ate six of them, pretty fresh.

Valarie had the chicken fingers. The must of tasted better than they looked since she ate all four of them. The fries were pretty average, though I’ve definitely had worse. I always find it funny when I order something as an adult that I might have ordered when I was eleven. Sometimes it makes me feel like I still haven’t grown up but other times I respect the decision, I mean, how can you go wrong with chicken fingers? Eating at the cafeteria at Ikea is the perfect opportunity for such a transgression.

The only thing that really bothered me at Ikea’s cafeteria was the little guilt trip they lay on you about bussing your own tables. I have no problem bussing my own table, I just don’t like being told to do so. There was a little sign that mentioned our self bussing allowed them to keep their prices low. I’m not worried about the fucking overhead at god damn Ikea, the furniture is so cheaply made their mark up must be five hundred percent. Plus if they hired more people to buss tables there would be more people in Phoenix with jobs. So the only thing I really have to say to the Ikea Cafeteria is, “Screw you, guilt mongers.”

I give the Ikea cafeteria four self bussed tables. Valarie bought a bunch of stuff including a pretty cool rug and something to keep cereal in. I don’t think in seven years I’ve ever even heard Valarie mention eating cereal. We used that container to hold a banana peel on the way home. I bet it’s still in there.


3 Responses to “The Cafeteria at Ikea”

  1. Andrew Says:

    If you ‘read’ the universal, almost wordless instructions, you will find that the penne was pre-assembled in Denmark, the Swedish meatballs are actually from Finland, and that the garlic toast was manufactured in the Czech Republic.

  2. valarie Says:

    i threw that gross peel out immediately.
    i had to fill it up with frosted mini wheats.
    i eat cereal, but only in the middle of the night.

  3. Amy Says:

    I love Ikea food. However, it is probably because it is always the first meal I eat after driving up the freeway and I am terrified to face that giant store on an empty stomach.

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