When school started I was relegated to the five to seven shift. I really couldn’t believe that this was an actual shift. I had to work everyday to get any hours. The five to seven shift consisted of sweeping and mopping the floor and bathrooms, emptying the trash in the kitchen, washing the dishes and making the cookies. The most difficult part was washing the soup warmers. Especially on days when we had cream of broccoli which no one liked and consequently crusted and adhered itself with amazing strength to the sides of the pot.
Washing the soup pots took half an hour alone. Not that long in actual time but when you realize it makes up a quarter of your work shift you really start to hate it. But the worst part of that shift was making the cookies.
The cookies came in these freezer packs that were just huge lumps of frozen dough. The cookies were already separated into cookie sized portions but were all frozen together in weird formations. I had to chip and break and generally mangle the fucking things until I cracked off the two dozen required for the next day. On top of that there were four kinds of cookies. One day I sliced my hand open with the chisel that I had taken from my garage to try and pry the cookies apart. That was it. I was pissed off because I had cut my hand open and I was pissed that there was nothing they would do about it since I was the idiot that brought the fucking chisel. I started to resent the five to seven shift more than a white sixteen year old boy in small town America had the right to resent anything. That night I purposely burned the cookies. Tall Ugly was livid, “People love us for these cookies!” I rebuked that, “I’m pretty sure they’re here for the mini pizzas.” I was advised not to get too smart and Tall Ugly made the cookies and told me to end my shift early.
Pretty soon I was burning the cookies every shift. Instead of switching me off that ridiculous shift or firing me outright, I was just not allowed to make cookies. Tall Ugly made them every night and Short Fat never knew the difference.