There’s something oddly fascinating about being in the presence of a genuinely stupid human being. Not a boring, run-of-the-mill, thick-headed doofus; but a bona fide, jaw-droppingly inept, “how did they survive this long?” stone-cold moron. When the conditions are just right, exposure to such a person can be an exhilarating experience. Todd “Lickity” Split was that kind of man.
Cater This by Sean Murphy: Your Cup Runneth Over September 24, 2008
(Between 1979 and 1986 I worked in the catering department at the University of Arizona Student Union. These are some of my stories.)
It should’ve been easy – lunch for thirty two in the President’s dining room (or PDR as we called it). Four round-tops seating eight apiece of which I was only responsible for two. Piece of cake.
Lunches were never much of a hassle anyway, it was dinners that sucked. At night everybody wanted to hang out and talk while we paced in the wings, waiting for them to leave so we could bus the tables and set up again – but lunches were pretty cut-and-dry; get’ em in, get ‘em fed, get ‘em out.
I’d served this group before – The Daughter’s of the American West, a social club of feisty senior-citizens bussed up from Green Valley every month to reminisce about the good ol’ days of cattle branding, barbed-wire fences and killing Indians. They never gave me much trouble, at most I’d have to reheat a plate or keep replenishing Sweet’N Low but not much else. What could possibly go wrong?