What The Hell Are You Eating?

Logo Wars: The Noid June 24, 2008

Filed under: Logo Wars — whatthehellareyoueating @ 2:33 am

Is this the worst logo of all time? I think it might be. It seems fitting that the worst pizza chain, ok Papa John’s is a challenger, would have the worst logo of all time. I mean seriously do you remember these commercials?

If I hadn’t been such a gluttonous pre teen I might have sworn off pizza forever. Luckily, or unluckily, my family has a steady, unhealthy relationship with Pizza Hut.

 

Logo Wars: Hardee’s/Carl’s Jr. June 12, 2008

Filed under: Logo Wars — whatthehellareyoueating @ 7:28 pm
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Technically I’m not all that thrilled with either logo (past or present),

but while searching for different logos on which to make pithy comments I also came across this still from a Hardee’s/Carl’s Jr. commercial,

which made me realize two things. The first is that if you can’t create a synthetic food product that looks good to eat why would I believe you can make something that tastes good out of actual food. Seriously, if the food in your commercial, or print ad, doesn’t look appetizing you are doing your business a disservice. That includes ugly menu shots, have a little pride christ’s sake. The second thing I realized is, of course, Paris Hilton really will put anything into her mouth. (rim shot)

I would also like to add that though they are technically the same restaurant (I use the term loosely), Carl’s Jr. sort of seems like the young uncle that moved out west because he hated the rest of the family while Hardee’s is more of a down home kind of place. Maybe it’s because Hardee’s don’t ever mop their floors and Carl’s Jr. has that pseudo Mexican Green Burrito addition. You’d never see Hardee’s fucking with green burritos. Just Red ones:

 

Logo Wars May 28, 2008

Filed under: Logo Wars — whatthehellareyoueating @ 3:27 pm
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It’s surprisingly difficult to find a full body shot of the Cap’n on the internet. I’m not sure why, to all of us who spent a good deal of our time being parented by the television in the 1980’s he’s an iconic figure. Yet questions abound regarding his military service. He called himself a Cap’n though we might conclude that he only allowed himself to be called Cap’n, an important distinction. He was typically seen in the company of strange children whom may have been orphaned or kidnapped, we’re never told, or a Crunch Berry Beast (which, I shit you not, looks like a penis with syphilis) which doesn’t lend much credibility to which ever fighting force he supposedly played a major role in. His main adversary is a French pirate named Jean Le Foot, who may or may not have been a child molester, but definitely had a penchant for kid’s cereal. If his antagonist is a perverted French pirate, why does the Cap’n sound like a drunk at a New Hampshire dinner party? Questions abound friends, but we can’t deny the beauty and mystique of Cap’n Crunch as a logo.

I also found this while searching for images. It’s Seinfeld, or maybe Andre the Giant, in Crunchberries and a few other terrible cereals.

 

Logo Wars: Big Cheese Pizza May 19, 2008

Filed under: Logo Wars — whatthehellareyoueating @ 4:11 am

Big Cheese Pizza was my pizza of choice for a couple of years when I was a kid. I remember either going to or having a birthday party there. I remember this logo better than I remember the pizza. I think the pizza was really sloppy and gooey. There’s still one left in Salina, Kansas. I have a bad memory of Salina wherein our football team gave up over six hundred yards on the ground in one game. I wish I knew then that I could’ve gone to Big (mother fucking) Cheese afterward.

 

Logo Wars May 8, 2008

Filed under: Logo Wars — whatthehellareyoueating @ 2:20 am

I just saw a pickle commercial with the MotherFucking Vlasic Stork. Who says the world isn’t becoming a better place? He’s the first entry in my new logo segment, called Logo Wars.

How can you beat this logo? The stork is irrelevant to pickle enjoyment. He’s wearing a weird hat, a huge red bow tie and old fashioned glasses find me a more classic outfit than that (besides chaps and a poncho). He’s kind of doing a Groucho Marx impression that you can even pick up on without hearing him use that voice with the pickle and the quip. Plus the pickles are good. Well done Vlasic, well done.