What The Hell Are You Eating?

Grimaldi’s March 31, 2008

Filed under: Pizza — whatthehellareyoueating @ 8:53 pm
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As everyone knows there are two schools of pizza. There is New York, long and floppy, normally ordered by the slice and Chicago which is thick crusted and deep dished. I am a New York man. New York style pizza is dependent on the right cheese to sauce ratio. The ingredients need to be fresh because you’re going to taste them. The Chicago pizza just needs the right crust because so much bullshit is going to be piled on that the crust must be able to support the weight.

Grimaldi’s serves New York style pizza. It is situated in the squat ugly building at the Southeast corner of 6th and Campbell. I’m not sure what style the architect was emulating but let’s just assume it is pseudo something. The interior looks exactly like you’d imagine a faux New York pizzeria would. Everything from the requisite red and white checked table cloths to the cheap framed photos of the Empire State building is there.


 Who are these people fooling?

Our hostess, looking like a low rent M.I.A. (joke courtesy of Erin), asked us if we wanted to sit in the cramped bar area or the cramped dining area. We went with the cramped dining area hoping to be able to eavesdrop on the table next to us. During my previous visit with Cal I overheard a kid at the next table ask his waiter for literally every Italian dish he could think of that was not included on the menu until his father told him to read the god damn menu and pick something out. There are really only three different things on the menu, pizza, calzones or salad. The salads all seemed large and uninspired, though that’s not why one would normally visit Grimaldi’s. You come for the pizza. While dining with Cal we both got salads and personal size pizzas (12 inch) along with a Peroni and then a Sunshine Wheat both on tap. Cal’s pizza, sausage and garlic, arrived about a fifteen minutes before mine and he was almost finished by the time it arrived. The pie I ordered was a white with fresh tomatoes. There was no explanation for the tardiness of my order but it tasted so nice I didn’t really give a shit, unless it was a (totally successful) ploy to get me to drink more beer. Despite the heaviness that the toppings suggested Cal’s pizza had a light feel and a very fine balance of flavors, not one stood out. My white pizza was a little heavy on garlic but I’m no vampire so no worries.

On my next visit, Erin and I split a tomato and garlic small (16 inch). Again it took over half an hour for the pizza to arrive. While we were waiting a couple of kids at a nearby table were given a couple of globs of pizza dough to play with. We were offered no such accommodation, not that we wanted to play with dough, it’s just nice to be asked. Our server was a nice kid who paid enough attention to us despite not delivering our food. After it finally arrived the manager came by our table and told us our bill would be half off. It was a nice touch and it made our bill only eleven dollars. I just wish he had been there during my previous visit because that one cost me eighty fucking dollars.

Despite the wait the pizza was crafted to perfection, the red sauce was just hinted at so not to overpower the delicate crust. The fresh mozzarella, from free range cows the menu says, held the pie together and really made it a taste experience. Get used to the phrase “taste experience.” I’m going to start using it liberally.

I give Grimaldi’s six shakers of parmesan cheese and two shakers of red pepper flakes. The only minuses are the long waits that may only apply to my orders and the lack luster décor.

 Here’s what people on the internet say:

“Other people say they dont like it becuase they’re not used to FRESH TOPPINGS prepared EVERYDAY!” – Anonymous Hoboken Patron

“What the heck is yuppie pizza anyway?” – Anonymous Hoboken Patron

” If you need spaghetti or something else, there’s other places in town for that”  Anonymous Tucson Patron

“A reach-in refrigerator was not cool enough and several potentially hazardous foods were stored above the required temperature….and Grimaldi’s gets a G-for Good.” – KVOA New Article.


It’s Taco Time Motherfucker! March 28, 2008

Filed under: tacos — whatthehellareyoueating @ 3:55 am
Tags: ,

If you like tacos and happen to be having a party contact me through this blog and Valarie and I will come over and make tacos for your party. We’ll make whatever kind you want but we specialize in POTATO. That’s right potato, our potato tacos are so good as soon as you eat one you just feel like removing your pants. Taco Tiempo! (That’s us) is here for your taco needs.

Incidentally, I found this website while looking for good taco pics: http://www.bigfool.com/mascots/mascots4.htm


Sushi Hama March 27, 2008

Filed under: Sushi — whatthehellareyoueating @ 3:54 am
Tags: , , ,

Sushi Hama has two locations, one on Tanque Verde and one at Oracle and Roger. Cal and I visited the Oracle location for their all you can eat sushi, which is available all day any day. The restaurant is seated next to a Big Lots and what appears to be the future home of a Lucky Wishbone making it a member of the worst strip mall in Tucson. Nothing says class like Big Lots.

Inside the place was clean and nondescript, the kind of décor that says, “I guess I’ll eat here.” The hostess told us to sit anywhere, so we sat at the bar. Natch. We ordered a couple of large Sapporos and perused the all you can eat menu. We debated the contrasts in the terms all you can eat and all you care to eat, the latter of which I had begun noticing lately. I posited that the phrase all you care to eat seemed haughtier as if you weren’t merely in a restaurant in order to eat enough food to render the price of entry a laughable sum. Whereas all you can eat sounds like a challenge to be undertaken only if you are sure of yourself.

The waitress brought some miso soup and edamame, it was the last we would see of her. The miso was tasty and strong. It tasted less like dirty socks than the miso at another sushi restaurant that I won’t mention (Sushi Cho). I ordered three rolls, a spicy tuna roll with crunch, a Vegas roll, and a gyoza roll. Cal had a rainbow roll, a Vegas roll, a pancho roll, a tuna nigiri and a shrimp boat which Cal had to talk our chef into making as it was not on the all you can eat menu. The spicy tuna roll with crunch was fabulous. The contrast of textures was everything I ever looked for in a bite of food. The Vegas roll was tasty if a bit sloppy, but the gyoza roll was a miss. It was too doughy and bland. Cal declared the rainbow roll the best roll he’d ever eaten. Tough talk, I know but Cal stood by it.

Half way through our meal a dumb looking couple sat down next to me at the bar. Cal elbowed me indicating he knew the girl and could tell me a story. If it was funny as the story he told about the girl we ran into at The Trident Bar and Grill who tried to touch her elbows behind her back for twenty minutes before giving up then I knew I was in for a treat. Was I ever, let’s just say the story featured anal sex, middle school voyeurs and a dingy playground. I won’t spill any of the juicy details, you’ll have to ask Cal.

Our sushi totaled out at around sixty dollars so we sufficiently outpaced the twenty dollar menu price for the all you can eat. With beers we came out about even plus I laid a ten spot on the dopey sushi chef who looked like cartoon character. Sort of an extra sad Huckleberry Hound flinging around a super sharp knife.


Overall I give Sushi Hama 7 little piles of wasabi.


This gal just loves sushi. Just plain loves it.


Here’s what the people on the internet say:


“If you like some rude banter from your waitress, go here.” Rachel I.


“It’s always a kick to hear an Asian remix of the “Happy Birthday” song.” JC


“The Eastside location which is a lot closer to me is inferior but good.” Leo B.


“Love that eel!” Margaret L.